Jokes made by a man

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me "


How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.


Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.


All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.


What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.


Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.


Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called Wedding Cake.


Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, SuffeRING.


In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman, now, neither God nor Man has rested.


My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.


Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.


What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.


Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.


A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:"Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:


A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death


The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Random things sent to me

I received a mail from my Budd Shelly today.

She mentioned that she was browsing the net last night and found these RANDOM desktop backgrounds that she thought i would like.

Cool bust RANDOM

Headphones

In my office its still the same situation.

The only change is that Matt seems to not have them on today but Brian has seemed to of had a accendent and supper glued them to his ears.

I don't even think he is listening to music just pretending so he can ignore me.

Oh well i made the decision today to try it my self , so from 8.00 am, - 10.15 this morning i too had my headphones in.

I also think i had complaints because my music was too loud but I'm not sure because i could not hear them he he he he.

My First Post

Today on 29th January 2009 at 15.12 I decided that I was going to create my first blog....

So far this year I have come across some really RANDOM things day to day and I think it would be a good time to try something new and blog it.

My first blog will be about the strange activity that seems to be happening within my office this week.

All of a sudden 50% of my team have been sitting very quiet with these large black things in there ears and bobbing there heads.
Yes they are all being anti social and listening to music.

WHY??????

Even Matt has decided he needs to join in and has decided to start as well.